Has anyone ever been in a crowded room and felt that if they just sat down and started to cry that no one would even bat an eye? Yeah well, I feel that way a lot...well more than I think I should.
I am one of the most sociable people in the world, at least I think I am but at the end of the day, I feel as if I'm all by myself in this world. Sometimes it feels as though, no matter what I do no one is capable of seeing the real me and not the facade that's always being presented.
I will be the 1st to admit that I can put a very good front around others. I've always been a chamillion and a good one at that. It's a habit that I've perfected over the years to protect myself from being hurt by friends, boyfriends and everyone else that I've come into contact with and now...the shield won't fade away.
In my group I'm the Dolly Lama (c) aka the person that's the problem solver, the peace keeper, the one that's called when someone hits a low and needs a shoulder...none of that lets me feel any closer to that than what I allow myself to feel. Now I've always been a natural loner so maybe that plays a part? *shrugs* maybe but then again maybe not.
All I do know is that one, just once, I'd love to be in a crowd and feel as if people saw me for me and not the facade. I'd love to be in a crowd and even though I may be alone, I wouldn't feel lonely.
3 years ago
2 people hollerin:
I hear you. It sucks so much! It feels like you give so much but nobody gives anything back. You're always there for them, but they're not there for you. I think this happens to all of us, cuz I certainly end up feeling like that too.
I've felt like this a lot, which is ironic too because my job practically ensures me to be surrounded by people. Yet I always try to watch what I do or what I say so much because I never really feel that comfortable around a lot of them..
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