Time To Get It Together

When I left Xavier at the end of my freshman year....I was a bundle of confusion. I didn't know which direction I was going, I didn't know what I wanted to do or if I even still had the desire for school that I had in the beginning so I did what, at the time, I felt was necessary and decided to take time off and figure out the right path for me....that was in 2008 and it's now 2012 and, I'm sooo disappointed in myself to say, that I haven't returned to school yet. I worked, I volunteered, I gave myself that time off to grow and get to know myself and I'm finally at a place in my life where I can say that I am truly ready to go back to school. I may not return to Xavier...I may decide to do school online just to give myself more flexibility while I work because I've found that I love working almost as much as I love writing......that was another thing: with everything that I had going on my freshman year: I lost my love for writing, even after being published twice, I felt my passion for writing fade away. Well I'm so glad that passion has returned full force and with it my drive to get my bachelors degree in Mass Communications has returned with it. SOOO....with the help of my wonderful boyfriend being in my corner: that's what I'm going to do: I'm going to find a great job, find an online school with a great communications program and GET.MY.DEGREE. It's time for me to stand up, reach out and grab my future with everything in me and achieve the greatness that I know I'm capable of.

............

I don't ask for a lot when I'm in a relationship but one of the things that I do ask for, and I don't think it's a lot to ask for, is that when YOU make plans with ME that you don't change them at the last minute to go hang with ya damn friends. That's just rude as fuck to me! I don't care how you try to switch it: it's rude. To change plans and then not even apologize? Ohhh it makes my blood boil every time.

Time to push through

After Jonathan I promised myself I wouldn't let myself love anyone like that again....and up until the end of January/beginning of February I kept my word.

                                           ...and then Rashard walked into my life.

I haven't felt like this about somebody in soo long that feeling like this again scares me a LOT. I've gotten further with him in a few months than I got with ANY of my ex's.

                     I mean...I'm about to move in with him! (Thats a H U G E step for me)...

Idk...we're goin through a rough patch right now and yeah it's killin me for us to be feelin the way we feel but I love him and I'm not givin up on a)what we have and b)what we could have further down the line.
      
                                                                That's That.

I Hate To Say This...

So uhh....I hate my job.

LOL.

Like I really don't know how to say it much plainer than those words right there.

It's not my co-workers...its the managers from HELL!!

Every morning I wake up and put on my gospel music to prepare my soul and spirit for the drama that is going to come with my day lmao.

I'm laughing but it really isn't funny smdh.

One manager we ALL swear is on the DL(downlow) because everytime he speaks and moves it just...sprinkles glitter everywhere.

One is a short little white girl who's only 24, swears she's black and thinks her position has made her queen of the world.

And then pimple face.....*sigh* poor poor pimple face 

lmfaooooo

those are the only words we have for him.

*SIGH*
GODDAMN IT I HATE MY JOB!!!!!!!

Hopeless Situation

A.....

body outlined in chalk with blood still fresh on the ground

crime scene covered in yellow tape

father's grief

mother's tears

n entire family's flood of tears

life cut short leaving behind a void of pain.

The never ending cycle of violence

leaving behind.....

women to teach their boys how to become men

little girls never to know the joy of a father-daughter relationship

sisters without a protector and brothers without a friend 

mothers to always wonder what their child COULD have been

leaving an entire family to know that a loved one is gone.

What has happened to my generation that they believe all solutions 

lie within guns and death?

What has happened to my generation where the fast life of drugs is

preferred to a college education?

The same ones that they stand on the corners slanging with 

are the first ones to pull a gun out and snuff their lives.

The schools say blame the family,

the family say to blame the police

and the police in turn blame the community

well me.....I blame everybody.

It's true when they say that the house is the foundation

that it all begins at home

so when the home is in shambles, the child can't learn what's right.

School is a "supposed" place of learning and nourishment

but when you have educators that only care about paychecks

sadly....its easy for students that are crying for help to fall through the cracks.

They could rely on people from their community to give them a lending hand

but when they're in a place of death, welfare and despair

HONESTLY how much hope do we expect them to have?

So with three of the four failing them, the only course left to them is one 

that constantly has them butting heads with those of the law.

I don't begin to have the answers to how we  can begin to fix

what has gone so horribly wrong but maybe we need to just

start anew.

................................

2 parent homes,

better education system

affordable and quality housing

more community and neighborhood togetherness.

which would lead to less confrontations with the law.

*shrugs*

maybe I'm wrong though and none of my suggestions are solutions

maybe its too late to repair the damage that has been done to my generation

and if that's the case...the tears that some have shed are sure to become more.