My last relationship went from the highest that it could be to the lowest of the lows, so low that for months afterwards I couldn't even hear his name without wanting to scream at the top. of. my. lungs but now? Now he is completely out of my system.
I broke my rule of never dating younger guys and military men for him and it backfired & slapped me in the face: hard. He wasn't ready for a serious relationship like I was and allowed to many outside factors to interveene between us. The distance? Long-distance in the same country is hard but long-distance when your significant other is 1/2 across the world? Damn near impossible to make it work *shrugs* sorry just being honest. Between him working, me in school, and the time difference: we talked maybe 2 or 3 times a week and that was on a good week okay?
I was ready to marry this guy, leave my family behind and move 1/2 across the world for his ass but ohh! I thank God for the signs that he sent me to show me that wasn't what He had planned. During that time I dealt with a crazy ex-girlfriend who not only was younger than me but felt it necessary to involve both of her goddaughters (who are at least 14 & younger) and his grandfather (I'll save him for later b/c whoo!!) in our issues, and his hypocritical family's comments. All of that on top of dealing with my own family issues and a miscarriage of a baby that I wanted with everything in me.
Now his grandfather....to this day I still do not comprehend what his problem with me was that made him treat me the way he did. 1st) he would never call me by my name. It was always "you" or "that girl". 2nd) after he found out I was pregnant, he made us watch a movie about an unwed pregnant girl who finds God *side-eye* can you imagine how awkward and uncomfortable I felt? 3rd) he encouraged Marine's ex girlfriend to attempt and get back with him...during the entire time that we were together! Ohh did I mention that he was doing all of this AND he's a pastor of his own church? 4) I attended one of his services one day and he gave a sermon on the evil's of being gay **at the time I was close friends with someone who is gay** and on how having babies outside of marriage is the worst sin of all for everyone involved. People like him are way Christian's drift away from the church, because we can no longer go there without being judged. Only God can judge me and while you do deliver his word, you are not Him and never will be.
I tried to end the relationship on a...not good but at least civil level but that wasn't good for him. After coming home from basic training at Parris Island, I heard from plenty of mutual friends that he was a) calling me outside of my name and b)lying and exaggerating about the circumstances of our break-up. After hearing that so many times, I quickly put an end to that and exposed him for what he was: a liar.
After all of that he's tried to be friends with me but I don't think I'll ever reach that place where I can be friends with him. I didn't even name all of the things that happened during and after our relationship but I do have some respect for people's privacy. All that matters is that I'm happy and more importantly I'm F-R-E-E!!!!!
"Ain't no feeling like being free
When your mind's made up
When your mind's made up
and your hearts in the right place, yeah
ain't no feeling like being free
when you've done all you could
but what's misunderstood
it's all good, it's all good
ain't no feeling like being free
I'm like an eagle set free
and finally I'm looking out for me
ain't no feeling like being free
cause my minds made up
and my heart is in the right place, yeah!"
0 people hollerin:
Post a Comment