Time to push through

After Jonathan I promised myself I wouldn't let myself love anyone like that again....and up until the end of January/beginning of February I kept my word.

                                           ...and then Rashard walked into my life.

I haven't felt like this about somebody in soo long that feeling like this again scares me a LOT. I've gotten further with him in a few months than I got with ANY of my ex's.

                     I mean...I'm about to move in with him! (Thats a H U G E step for me)...

Idk...we're goin through a rough patch right now and yeah it's killin me for us to be feelin the way we feel but I love him and I'm not givin up on a)what we have and b)what we could have further down the line.
      
                                                                That's That.

Can Open Relationships Save Us?

Along with Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt and Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith, Mo'Nique is the most recent celeb to admit that she and her husband have an "open marriage".

Which brings about my question: 

do open relationships make it easier for a couple to stay together?
 
In her interview Mo said that she would have no problem with her husband stepping outside of their marriage, even if it had been 20 times because that's not a deal breaker. And that she is very secure and comfortable in her marriage and her husband.

In an interview a few years ago, Will Smith was quoted as having said "If it came down to it, then one would say to the other: Look, I need to have sex with somebody. Now, I'm not going to do it if you're uncomfortable with it." "In our marriage vows, we didn't say forsaking all others. We said you will never hear I did something afterwards."

I think we all read the interview with Angelina Jolie where she said that she doubts fidelity is absolutely necessary in order for a relationship to work and that neither her or Brad ever claimed that living together meant they were chained together. She also went on to say that they never restrict each other.


Now everyone else may be thinking that having an open relationship is wrong and not meant to happen because marriage is supposed to tie 2 people to each other and each other only BUT we all can't deny one thing: 

ALL of these couples are EXTREMELY happy with each other.

Personally, I see no reason why an open relationship would not be able to work out if both people in the relationship set down rules in the beginning and made sure that they were always followed.

I mean let's be honest, there is always going to be a chance that the person you're involved with is going to want to step out on you and even though they may resist at first, eventually...they may give in to that temptation. Wouldn't it be better if they told you about it and once you two set up ground rules, it happened and then was over?

If you still think no, can I ask a question:
How many marriages end because one partner was unfaithful and the other didn't find out until it was too late?

...

exactly.

Now I am in NO way saying that people in relationships should just start sleeping with other people just for the hell of it. What I am saying is that instead of criticizing and talking down about other people's decisions and choices maybe we should have an open mind.

I think the best blog I've read that talks about open relationships is from Jenn over at PrincessProse. Here's her blog about it: open relationships

Giving Up Men

I am giving up men for the next 40 days! Yeah, that's what I'm giving up for the next 40 days, even though I'm not Catholic.

I decided that since I'm tired of dealing with the same old bullshit that seems to come attached to almost every guy in New Orleans, I'll just take a break from them in general.

Doesn't sound that difficult right?
Yeah, well I know it's gonna be hard because I love my N.O. guys but sometimes I really feel like they are NOT the ones for me...like we're just entirely DIFFERENT people ya know?

So...this is my mission: not to get any closer or start a new relationship with any guy in the city until Lent is over.

Mr. Right?...pt. IV

I'm not to sure how appropriate the title is anymore but that's how I started it and that's what it'll stay...for now at least.

*sigh* honestly I don't know what's going on with him and I for the past 2 weeks. I mean, not talking to him for 2 days didn't really upset me because we both are busy with school and family and for him work too so just texting each other for 15 minutes was all I needed but....that's stopped now. Birthday plans...yeah just didn't happen. Actually my entire birthday just went by ignored by him-->still haven't admitted how much that hurt me<--.

I don't know...maybe I'm expecting too much from him too early but is it really a lot to ask that he remember my birthday?

Being 100% honest with myself....I just miss having him around. He's one of the few guys that I can really be myself around...and the fact that he can hold a conversation....*sigh* who knows, maybe he's been busy or has his own things going on. I'm not about to give up hope on him or just write him off just yet...but I'm gonna have to figure something out.

Mr. Right?...pt. III

This guy may actually be the one that I've been looking for and could never seem to find....I mean he actually seems to get me, as I am, and now what he thinks I am ya know? Things have been going really well between the 2 of us. I mean if we don't talk everyday, we'll at least text each other and keep in touch and if we don't...we can call/text a few days later and it feels as if no time had passed at all. With him working and both of us going to school, there really isn't a lot of time left for us to talk but we both seem to make the time which is good because I always seem to get off the phone with him, peaceful and smiling and I love that feeling....I needed him a few days ago to talk to about some things that were bothering me and even though he had to get up early the next day for work, he stayed up and talked to me until I felt better. Now THAT is what someone who really cares for you will do and I"m learning that more and more everyday thanks to him.

Umm...I think that's it for now lol. 

Ohhh! almost forgot: he's been trying his hardest to see me for my bday Friday and so Friday, we're going to spend time together and he said he's gonna try and find something special for us to do. *squeals* I"m too excited to see what happens lol.

Attack of the ex

 This is really the L-A-S-T post for tonight or at least I hope so *rolls eyes* hopefully I won't be given a reason but with my life...ya never can tell.

Well, a few days ago I posted about my wonderful ex who decided to drop the L bomb on me. Of course that threw me for a loop. Well after putting it off for a few days, I finally asked him what made him tell me that after so long and his words were "because that's how I feel about you." <---sooo you choose now to tell me?!! Right when I've found somebody else to move on with?

I haven't decided what I'm going to do about this problem because, being me, I have to be 100% honest and real and admit that a part of me does still love him too. *sigh* celibacy and no relationships at ALL is sounding like a good plan right now.

Mr. Right?....part 2

Okay an update on me and my honey.

Things have been going good for the past few days but I'm still going at it cautiously ya know? I mean we were friends and if this doesn't work out, I want us to be able to remain friends.

I'll talk to him during the day and at night...we talk about almost anything that crosses either of our minds. lol I find it cute that he honestly had no idea that I was feeling him *shrugs* so obvious to all but him but ehh. He's determined to break me out of my shyness and even though I told him I doubt it happens, that he's more than welcome to try.

The most shocking part about all of this is: after all this time I most likely would have lost interest but no *smh* I'm still as interested as I was in the beginning.

Like he told me yesterday "I just wanna lay with you, cuddle and chill. Spend some QT with my baby."

^^^^^^^^^^

Yeah I feel the same way *grins*

Three Little Words *Updated*

and they've managed to bring me to a complete S-T-O-P.

So last night I was on the phone with my ex and the convo was going fine until we got ready to get off the phone. I went to hang up and he said "bae hold up"<--I don't really think anything of that because he's always called me that even after we broke up. The next words out of his mouth threw me for a loop though..."I love you".

PAUSE! STOP THE PRESSES!

There are 3 big problems with this whole situation. One is that I can honestly say that I still have feelings for him and can see myself falling in love with him again. The second is that I believe him because he's never been the type of person to say things that he didn't mean and wasn't true. and before you ask why that's bad #3 is that I'm already getting involved with someone and I don't want to hurt him.

*sigh* No point in stressing over it because that's only going to make it worse. Taking this one day at a time as well.

Mr. Right?....pt 1

soo for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm actually involved with someone who sees me as I am and not who they perceive me to be...and actually has no problem with it. THAT is more refreshing than I can even begin to explain.

So a little background on this guy: we went to school together our freshman year and as soon as we met, we just clicked. After awhile it became obvious that we were both feeling more than just friendship for each other but *shrugs* things happen lol. Signals got crossed and we ended up not talking again until a year later after I ended my engagement<--that's another story for another time<--.

We started talking again and re-connecting and I started to remember what attracted to me in him in the first place. He's a complete sweetheart!! Oh my goodness, I used to have to drop hints for any of my ex's to ask about my day and he does it at the drop of a hat w/o any pushing. My biggest thing in a guy is honesty and he shows everyday that no matter what we're talking about, he's going to tell it like it is<--how hawt is that? A sense of humor gets you a long way in my book so that's yet another point for him. The biggest thing for me is that, even though we live in a city where going to college is considered "unnecessary" or "a waste of time", he's actually determined to make it with a degree and he's blessed with a good head on his shoulders...the only problem is that he's on the short side lmao! I mean I'm 5'0 so I can't really talk about someone being short but I stay in heels/ stilettos and I'm usually either his height or taller....but for once the height thing doesn't even matter to me.

I just wanted to put this out here that there's a prospect out there....we'll just take it one day at a time though and see how things unfold. *crosses fingers* hoping for the best with this one though, I am.

Let's Flip It Here

Let's switch it up here and flip the script for just a quick second.
What if just for one day: men and women switched roles?
Who would come back with the most understanding afterwards?
I put any amount of money that it would be the males.

R&B singer Joe has always had a special place in my love of music for his music but specifically one song in particular: "What If A Woman".

Basically the song (video) is about a couple getting counseling and Joe asking the man what would he do (how would he feel) if his girlfriend did all of the things to him that he was doing to her.

Let's think about that!!

Guys take this from your p.o.v.

If you were in, what you thought was a serious relationship, with a girl but she constantly kept stepping out on you, how would that make you feel?

If everytime you wanted to do something romantic or just spend QT together and it was always "I have to work late" what would start to think after awhile of that same excuse?


She takes your car and leaves and you don't hear from her. No text, no phone calls letting you know that she's okay and will be home soon.
You would be hurt wouldn't you?


Just strung you along in a relationship with no guarantees or idea of where it was headed. You're ready for commitment and she's just enjoying the ride with no plan to settle down anytime soon.


Now honestly, if the tables were turned, would any of you be able to stay around and stick it out?
I don't think so because there are some who feel that it's just easier to leave than work it out and once they're gone, they miss what they had.


So before you try and play with someone else's feelings and heart, stop and think about what would happen if the script was flipped.

Stop! Pause!...Wait, what happened?

This is gonna be real short and to the point::

Ugh! This is why I stick to myself and don't get involved with males! Rememba the guy Mr. Q that I mentioned awhile back? Well...yeah seems things have come to a complete 'Stop!' with that. I mean damn! he didn't even give a bish a warning...could I have gotten a 'yellow light' around this mug or sumthing? *smdh* Ehh, oh well because if I know him like I think I do...he'll pop up again next month -->better hope I'm still up to dealing with him then b/c I wait on no guy<--.

Ohh *sighs* What a tangled web

High school relationships can make or break a friendship...

sometimes in the weirdest, most unexpected ways.
That was the case of myself and 3 other friends during that transition from high school to college.

Shana* and Bryan* had only been dating a few months but their relationship had gotten serious in the short time that they were together. I mean not a day passed that we all weren't at his house so the two of them could get their 'QT'. At first, everything was fine and then reality showed it's ugly head: it was time for Shana* to go off to college in another state.

I know right now, some of you are thinking that it's another case of a long distance relationship failed right? Well...if this would've been a quiz you guys would've gotten a 50%(F) on it. Prior to her leaving, she asked me and our other friend Krystal* to check on Bryan and hang with him, ya know make sure he wasn't trying to play with her while she was gone. Us, being close and good friends, we agreed to do as she asked.

Soon, I began to realize that as things got even more tense between Shana and Bryan, he and Krystal were getting closer and closer.....way to close to say he was dating her best friend. At first, I just ignored it and figured that I had to be seeing things. Well...I was sadly mistaken because the next thing I knew: Shana and Bryan had broken up, Bryan and Krystal had gotten together and took it a step further...she gave her virginity to him.

My mama always told me that once somebody turns 18, they are more than capable of understanding every single choice that they make and I believe that so even though I didn't agree with what they were doing, I chose to keep my peace and not say anything....*sigh* that only worked so long for me though and finally I couldn't hide it anymore and I told Shana what had happened between the two.

Of course, you can imagine the escapade that ensued after that little detail came to light.  Bryan and Krystal broke up, fell out with each other, Krystal and Shana no longer spoke and even Shana and I fell out for a short period of time. A few months later, Shana and I talked and started to repair our friendship....but she wouldn't reach out to Bryan and Krystal because of the hurt they had caused her.

After Shana and I having talk after talk after talk about the subject: she was able to become civil if not friendly with the both of them. It took time but now all of those old relationships have been mended, with the exception of Krystal and Bryan.

Now Bryan is a married man going through a divorce....trying to step out of his marriage with Shana and he seems to have no shame about it. He constantly calls and texts her. Asking when she comes back home can they spend time together, if she's happy in her current relationship and telling her that he wouldn't mind having sex with her. Basically, just being disrespectful to his wife, Shana and her boyfriend.

Shana and I had a talk earlier today and came to the conclusion that Bryan has never matured from the boy that he was in high school and that he still believes every relationship is as easy and care-free as it was back then and that's not the case.

It's sad but I really hope that one morning he wakes up and realizes that chasing after Shana, who has steadily said she won't get back with him, is going to cause him to lose not only his wife but his son as well....

NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED!!!!!!

Ex-Boyfriend's 101-Rule 1

Once I end a relationship, unless we've ended on a good note and have agreed to stay friends then our ties to each other are cut.

I have no vested interest in the things going on in your life, the problems you have or any of those things. If that's f****ed up then oh well.

IT IS WHAT IT IS!

Now recently I got some information about an ex of mine, who I'll call Marine, that in my opinion is very serious to me because if it's true it could have an effect on me and my life and THAT is not something I am willing to play with.

So I proceed to text Marine and tell him to call me as soon as he gets a chance because we need to talk about something very serious. Well, he finally decides to call me around 2 the next morning to see what it was I wanted to talk about. I pass along the information that was given to me and wait for him to either confirm or deny...well I was shocked when he did neither.

He startes to get very angry at the fact that I even had the nerve to ask him that question. Then demands that I give him the name of the person who passed along the news to me and when I refused, became even angrier over the phone. At that point, I was in no mood to try and have that conversation with him so I hung up the  phone. Upset because not only did he ruin my night out with my friends but he ignored the topic at hand and didn't answer the question.

At 8 something this morning, he called me again and woke me out of my sleep. **I am NOT a morning person and everyone that knows me knows that fact.** He starts off the conversation by saying that I WILL tell him who me the info and when I said no again he said and I quote exactly "look I already got enough s**t to deal with. I just got back from Afghanistan and feel guilty as hell cause my best friend is dead and he wouldn't be if it wasn't for me. I can't close my eyes at night without seeing guns and I wanna kill myself." Excuse me but if I recall correctly you called to discuss an issue involving both you and I. What you just told me is YOUR issue and the Marine Corps has psychiatrists that soldiers are supposed to see once they come back home. I repeat again: once we break up, I have no desire or wish to hear about YOUR issues unless they directly or indirectly involve me.

Back to the story though!

After he said all of that I asked him what was his purpose in saying all of that to me and he says it was because he wanted me to realize what all he is dealing with. After a few moments of silence that I had to take to get myself together, I ask him if he's going to answer my question. Well of course now he's vehomently denying what I was told but is still demanding that I tell him who passed it along.

I refused and hung up the phone.

Now I know some of you may be wondering what that has to do with this post.

Ex-boyfriend 101-Rule 1:

"Don't call your ex with personal issues unless you two are still good friends."

My Kings and Queens....

That old age question of "where are all the good men?" is so tiresome to me because I have a newsflash for all my women reading this: there ARE good men out there. You just may not be looking for them in the right place. A few years ago I would've said that the #1 place you shouldn't be looking for love in was the club but...now I can't say that you shouldn't be looking for love in the club b/c my sister met her current boyfriend in the club and they've been dating for the past 1 1/2 years and love each other to such a depth that I can only pray that I feel that type of love one day.

I've had conversations over and over again with some male friends and they're saying the same thing that we are: that they're looking but can't find a good woman. I firmly believe that before we all go looking for mr or mrs. right, that we need to have ourselves in order. How can we truly expect to be able to give our all to a relationship when we arent' even capable of giving our all to ourselves?

Black Women need to realize that we are queens and therefore deserve to be treated as such but we fail to realize that our beautiful, intelligent, strong Black Men deserve to be treated like the kings that they all are. I need for my black men to start treating their queens with more respect. Don't put your hands on a queen in anger, don't belittle her. Treat her as the jewel that God gave you to be your other 1/2, the better part of yourself.

If I were a boy....

Don't know why I picked this for a title except I happen to be listening to it at the current moment so ehh *shrugs* I'll just run with it. Okay some of you may remember this post I did about the dude that I was feeling and dealing with a while back....yeah that's the end of that as far as I'm concerned. It's best for us to just stay friends before I can't even be that with him.


I'ma steal from my brother for a quick sec and say that we're all grown here so I'm bout to keep it 100: the two of us have always known, unstated, that the other had people we were dealing with besides each other and that was fine with me because I wasn't and still aren't looking for a serious relationship or an exclusive "friends with benefits" arrangement. This is my whole problem with it though: the respect line was crossed, time and time again. 


Maybe this is just me and my weird twisted way of thinking but if I'm fucking with a dude and I KNOW he has other females on the side that's all fine but if it gets to the point that he's basically PARADING these other females in front me and what they do together, THEN I'm gonna have a problem with it. Out of respect for him, I kept my other dudes away from him, which wasn't always easy to do because a) N.O. is a small city and b) college kids tend to party together but I did it.




Basically what I'm saying is that fellas if you're gonna be dealing with one girl and others at the same time...just keep the respect and not flaunt it in faces b/c then with the right or guess in some cases wrong females...ish can get very ugly.


Sidenote: Facebook causes more damn trouble than it's worth I swear!! Death to facebook!!!

Gratz go to my girl

This is just gonna be a quick post:

OMG! I just got the most awesome news from someone that I was very cool with in high school. My girl Andra just called to tell me and invite me to her wedding...that's next month! We're the same age and I guess...it's really hitting me that after high school....anything is possible for my old classmates and I.


Dang....I get to see people next month that I haven't seen since high school or freshman year of college. Just wanna send love, happiness and blessings to Andra and her fiance. I'm sooo happy for you girl!

Dating men with Children

As I've grown over the years, my mentality has changed on so many subjects and for that I am grateful. Being a teenager, I felt that I would never become involved with a man who already had children because of the "baby mama drama" that was sure to come along with it.

I've never allowed myself to become romantically involved with a man who had children and now that I look back, I think that I may have missed out on a good opportunity. Now that I've met someone that really has my interest and that I want to take our relationship further with, I am hit with the possibility that he may soon be a father. Well...what I always said would never come to past has finally arrived.

Deal Breakers

Every once and a while I hear a certain song that reminds me of an ex and it brings up all of the old memories of our time together and of course...of the break-up. When I'm in a relationship, I give it everything that I have & if it doesn't work out...it hurts so reminiscing is never enjoyable.


"Porcelain Doll" is that newest song for me. I love everything she says in the song but I'll be damned if it does not preach about what I just went through. I need to sit my ex down and let him listen to this whenever I get the chance so he can fully grasp why I had to get out of that unhealthy situation.


I'm a very independent person but I love to be taken care of...not smothered because there is a HUGE difference. I was blessed with the capability to comprehend, I have a brain and I love to use it so don't treat me as if I'm a child that doesn't know any better because it belittles me. It's perfectly fine to be happy and proud that you have a good person by your side but there is a certain point when you can make someone feel as if they are nothing but an object for you to show off and boast about.


What are some deal breakers for you guys in relationships? Are there just certain things/habits that will make it hard for you to stay no matter what?

Kicking My Habit

I haven't loved anyone the way that I did him...not even to this day. I've heard people say that at the age of 15, you can't really know what love is but to those people I say: yes you can.


I feel in love with a 16 year old boy with pretty brown eyes, a heart-stopping smile, smart, sweet, goofy and caring. We clicked as friends and it was natural for it to progress to the next level. We cried together, mourned together, laughed together, shared dreams with each other and grew together...to this day when I can depend on no one else, "he" always is there.

Giving Me A Rush

All my friends know that I'm a sucker for a gorgeous black man. I mean that melt in your mouth and not in your hand, smooth brown-skinned  brother and if they have a pretty smile too...I get damn near weak in the knees!


The way we met was purely accidental...we share a mutual friend. The only reason that we met is because my best friend's mama died and you came with our boy to check on her. I saw you that day and automtically was attracted to you. Beautiful brown skin, pretty brown eyes, the swag was on point, that fashion taste was looking good and had the nerve to have a pretty smile. I decided in my mind right then that I had to ask my boy bout you and when I did, I found out you had been asking him about me too...well only thing after that for us to do was of course exchange #'s.