I Hate To Say This But...

I am a city girl @ heart but deep down...I know I'm a country girl (some people would call me a Southern Belle) and any other time I would have no issue with that but this time....I HATE the fact that I have the opinions and values of 2 different worlds.

So my great-grandmother raised my entire family that no matter WHAT, you were to honor your parents and that they were always right...well that worked when my family was in the country but the minute they started moving to the city, things changed. Let's just say: my family kinda skewed off the path that my great-grandmother put them on and some of the changes were for the better but some? were most DEF for the worst of the fam as a whole.

Now I said all that to get to my point lol.

I love my mother dearly but she is the MOST arrogant, hating, condescending person that I have ever met (yes I realize I'm only 21 about to be 22 but still!!). Sometimes I'll listen to her talk and I just have to shake my head at the ignorance that comes out of her mouth and to say she has 3 college degrees...you would think she'd be more socially acceptable but *smh* no she's not. My 17 year old sister and I are more accepting than her. I have no shame in saying that my family started off in the ghetto and with hard work we all made it out of there but @ the same time I remember my past and where I come from and I know that without that place, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. My mother on the other hand? At every chance she gets, she degrades that life and the people who, unfortunately, are still living it.

The bible says  

 but how can I honestly honor someone who, in my opinion, isn't honoring themselves? 

 P.S. ohh did I mention she's one of those people that ALWAYS have to be right? 

and even when they find out they were wrong they refuse to admit it? Yeahhhhh....I HATE those type of people. I'm sorry but no one is right 24/7/365. That's life, accept it & get over it.

 

Newest Addition To The Fam

 

This is our new baby Snickers.
He's a Toy Poodle and he was a Christmas present.
He's about to be 3 months on the 31st of this month but he's already bad as hell and spoiled rotten!!

Many Wishes

 

I love you mommy!!

Wishing you all the happiness, joy and peace that you could ever have on this day. 

There's never a right time...

or place or way to say goodbye.

I haven't had the closest or easiest relationship with my father during the past 2 years. I mean, he and my parents divorced when I was 2 and I didn't hear from him again until I was 18 and in college<--that's a long ass time isn't it? Even after we...I guess you can say "met" again, I didn't click with him as well as I did my older sister. I guess there was too much from the past between us, on both of our parts.

A few months ago, he was diagnosed with lung cancer and that was enough of a scare for me because I've lost 3 aunts to it and I know the stress and pain it puts a family through. Well...on Tuesday I woke up to phone calls from my aunt, cousin and sister telling me that he wasn't doing to well. I rushed over to the house and felt like I had stepped into another world. I mean it seemed like he had gone from being fine to just...at death's door. He could barely talk and when he did, it hurt him to and just being so small that I could see his ribs through his skin.

That day was his last day here because he died 2 hours later and now I can't help but to feel guilty and envious. Guilty because I didn't call or spend as much time with him as I could have and I can honestly say that it was because of my feelings about him not being around during the years when I needed him the most but now I realize that none of that mattered and I missed out on the 2nd opportunity that God gave me to have my father back in my life. Envious because while we all are grieving... his sisters and my cousins and sisters and brothers...even my nieces and nephews had more time, more memories with him than I will ever have....

*sigh*
All I can say is:
RIP Daddy. I love you

Home In The Heavens

Today was a beautiful day for my lil cousin's homegoing celebration. I refuse to call it a funeral because even though we're sad and miss her, she's back home in God's embrace where she's loved beyond anything we can imagine.


I've never been more grateful for the togetherness that my family has than today. I feel truly blessed to be surrounded by people who care about me, my well being, happiness and love me for me: flaws and all.


The sun truly shined down on Dem Dem today as she entered the gates of Heaven and was swept into God's loving, caring embrace. The pain is still here but now the healing can begin for all of us. It won't be easy, there'll be tears and sadness from time to time but the knowledge that she's happy & not dealing with the problems of this world is enough to help us through.


RIP little angel and continue to smile down on us with your elecetric smile.

Angel Gone Home

Demi Baby

aka

"Lil Faye"

The lost of a family member is always hard but the lost of a child?...it can destroy an entire family. And when the child is gone from this world because of someone else's negliegence? How to cope with that? How can you get over the "what ifs" that run through your mind?

My little cousin was only a year old but now she's an angel and back in God's embrace. In a better place than all of us here on Earth and that gives me comfort but the pain is still there. What kind of adult leaves a baby alone in the tub by herself? What could have been so important that you felt you could leave her alone?...now there are unanswered questions about what truly happened. I don't care about any of that, all I care about is the fact that my little cousin won't be able to see her next birthday, that her life and all she could do was taken from her before she could even begin to explore.

I'll see you again one day Demi baby. Until then look down on your mama and daddy and your sister and brothers, they're gonna need you to make it through this. Say hello to the family for me. Your cuz loves and misses you but I'll be okay.

R.I.P. Demi

September 13,2008-October 6, 2009