Kicking My Habit

I haven't loved anyone the way that I did him...not even to this day. I've heard people say that at the age of 15, you can't really know what love is but to those people I say: yes you can.


I feel in love with a 16 year old boy with pretty brown eyes, a heart-stopping smile, smart, sweet, goofy and caring. We clicked as friends and it was natural for it to progress to the next level. We cried together, mourned together, laughed together, shared dreams with each other and grew together...to this day when I can depend on no one else, "he" always is there.



But the person that he's become...he's changed in some ways but in others he's still the same. In his heart I see no difference but his friends and behaviors...I hate all of that about him. He runs the streets, is in a gang, does his thang out there but holds down a legal job<--what kinda ish is that? Maybe our up and down roller coaster ride relationship has had an effect on him too because he plays with females and I've heard him talk about them in some derogatory ways because according to him not all females deserve respect, some are just hoes and should be treated as such.


I've been there for him through high school and him dropping out, getting into trouble, being sent to boot camp, getting in that gang, messing with all these side chicks, him going back for his GED, getting a real job, the baby scare with one and almost getting a charge for rape because the girl's parents found out how old he was...damn! writing all this I realize I held this nigga down through a whole lot of ish *smdh*

Some of yall may be thinking "damn she dumb as fuck" and yeah I gotta agree that I was/am dumb over him but that's coming to an end. I love him so much that I'm not willing to give others a chance to get into my heart for fear that it'll be unfaithful to him. I love him so much that if he goes missing or stops calling and texting that I'll start to think that I did something wrong and that's gotta stop because I realize that I've done more than a lot of others would do with that type of dude.


I'ma end this by saying: mr trash man come and do me a favor!! I packed up my bad habit and put it on the curb. It'll be waiting for you to come and bring it to the city dump because I'm done with it...it's time for me to move on!!