Time To Get It Together

When I left Xavier at the end of my freshman year....I was a bundle of confusion. I didn't know which direction I was going, I didn't know what I wanted to do or if I even still had the desire for school that I had in the beginning so I did what, at the time, I felt was necessary and decided to take time off and figure out the right path for me....that was in 2008 and it's now 2012 and, I'm sooo disappointed in myself to say, that I haven't returned to school yet. I worked, I volunteered, I gave myself that time off to grow and get to know myself and I'm finally at a place in my life where I can say that I am truly ready to go back to school. I may not return to Xavier...I may decide to do school online just to give myself more flexibility while I work because I've found that I love working almost as much as I love writing......that was another thing: with everything that I had going on my freshman year: I lost my love for writing, even after being published twice, I felt my passion for writing fade away. Well I'm so glad that passion has returned full force and with it my drive to get my bachelors degree in Mass Communications has returned with it. SOOO....with the help of my wonderful boyfriend being in my corner: that's what I'm going to do: I'm going to find a great job, find an online school with a great communications program and GET.MY.DEGREE. It's time for me to stand up, reach out and grab my future with everything in me and achieve the greatness that I know I'm capable of.

............

I don't ask for a lot when I'm in a relationship but one of the things that I do ask for, and I don't think it's a lot to ask for, is that when YOU make plans with ME that you don't change them at the last minute to go hang with ya damn friends. That's just rude as fuck to me! I don't care how you try to switch it: it's rude. To change plans and then not even apologize? Ohhh it makes my blood boil every time.

Time to push through

After Jonathan I promised myself I wouldn't let myself love anyone like that again....and up until the end of January/beginning of February I kept my word.

                                           ...and then Rashard walked into my life.

I haven't felt like this about somebody in soo long that feeling like this again scares me a LOT. I've gotten further with him in a few months than I got with ANY of my ex's.

                     I mean...I'm about to move in with him! (Thats a H U G E step for me)...

Idk...we're goin through a rough patch right now and yeah it's killin me for us to be feelin the way we feel but I love him and I'm not givin up on a)what we have and b)what we could have further down the line.
      
                                                                That's That.

I Hate To Say This...

So uhh....I hate my job.

LOL.

Like I really don't know how to say it much plainer than those words right there.

It's not my co-workers...its the managers from HELL!!

Every morning I wake up and put on my gospel music to prepare my soul and spirit for the drama that is going to come with my day lmao.

I'm laughing but it really isn't funny smdh.

One manager we ALL swear is on the DL(downlow) because everytime he speaks and moves it just...sprinkles glitter everywhere.

One is a short little white girl who's only 24, swears she's black and thinks her position has made her queen of the world.

And then pimple face.....*sigh* poor poor pimple face 

lmfaooooo

those are the only words we have for him.

*SIGH*
GODDAMN IT I HATE MY JOB!!!!!!!

Hopeless Situation

A.....

body outlined in chalk with blood still fresh on the ground

crime scene covered in yellow tape

father's grief

mother's tears

n entire family's flood of tears

life cut short leaving behind a void of pain.

The never ending cycle of violence

leaving behind.....

women to teach their boys how to become men

little girls never to know the joy of a father-daughter relationship

sisters without a protector and brothers without a friend 

mothers to always wonder what their child COULD have been

leaving an entire family to know that a loved one is gone.

What has happened to my generation that they believe all solutions 

lie within guns and death?

What has happened to my generation where the fast life of drugs is

preferred to a college education?

The same ones that they stand on the corners slanging with 

are the first ones to pull a gun out and snuff their lives.

The schools say blame the family,

the family say to blame the police

and the police in turn blame the community

well me.....I blame everybody.

It's true when they say that the house is the foundation

that it all begins at home

so when the home is in shambles, the child can't learn what's right.

School is a "supposed" place of learning and nourishment

but when you have educators that only care about paychecks

sadly....its easy for students that are crying for help to fall through the cracks.

They could rely on people from their community to give them a lending hand

but when they're in a place of death, welfare and despair

HONESTLY how much hope do we expect them to have?

So with three of the four failing them, the only course left to them is one 

that constantly has them butting heads with those of the law.

I don't begin to have the answers to how we  can begin to fix

what has gone so horribly wrong but maybe we need to just

start anew.

................................

2 parent homes,

better education system

affordable and quality housing

more community and neighborhood togetherness.

which would lead to less confrontations with the law.

*shrugs*

maybe I'm wrong though and none of my suggestions are solutions

maybe its too late to repair the damage that has been done to my generation

and if that's the case...the tears that some have shed are sure to become more.

New Dawn :)

Soo...I've given my blog a whole new look, changed the name of it. 

*points up and grins*
ya see it huh? ya see it? lol

But nowwwww I am going to sleep lol

*yawns*
I shall return tomorrow.

*deuces*

Hi again guys!

*walks in*
*looks around*
*blows away dust*

Well...it has certainly been awhile since I've posted here...it's amazing how quickly time can past and how much can happen in that amount of time ya know? I've grown so much and so much has changed that it still shocks me at times when I think about some things.

This is my promise to myself though, to post here more often because this: writing, is TRULY my passion and it took me awhile to remember that.

 

Its Sad But Funny...

but my little sister and my mother's best friend's daughter are trying to hook me up with her older brother...who I've known since we were all little since we grew up as family...

damn *smh* I guess my love life has gotten that bad that an 18 year old and a 17 year old feel the need to play my personal cupids....

                          its funny though because I used to like her older brother lmao

I Hate To Say This But...

I am a city girl @ heart but deep down...I know I'm a country girl (some people would call me a Southern Belle) and any other time I would have no issue with that but this time....I HATE the fact that I have the opinions and values of 2 different worlds.

So my great-grandmother raised my entire family that no matter WHAT, you were to honor your parents and that they were always right...well that worked when my family was in the country but the minute they started moving to the city, things changed. Let's just say: my family kinda skewed off the path that my great-grandmother put them on and some of the changes were for the better but some? were most DEF for the worst of the fam as a whole.

Now I said all that to get to my point lol.

I love my mother dearly but she is the MOST arrogant, hating, condescending person that I have ever met (yes I realize I'm only 21 about to be 22 but still!!). Sometimes I'll listen to her talk and I just have to shake my head at the ignorance that comes out of her mouth and to say she has 3 college degrees...you would think she'd be more socially acceptable but *smh* no she's not. My 17 year old sister and I are more accepting than her. I have no shame in saying that my family started off in the ghetto and with hard work we all made it out of there but @ the same time I remember my past and where I come from and I know that without that place, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. My mother on the other hand? At every chance she gets, she degrades that life and the people who, unfortunately, are still living it.

The bible says  

 but how can I honestly honor someone who, in my opinion, isn't honoring themselves? 

 P.S. ohh did I mention she's one of those people that ALWAYS have to be right? 

and even when they find out they were wrong they refuse to admit it? Yeahhhhh....I HATE those type of people. I'm sorry but no one is right 24/7/365. That's life, accept it & get over it.

 

I Swear....

Soo I'm sitting in here watching WWE (yes I'm 21 & still watch wrestling lol) but n-e-ways!! I'm sitting here watching it and none other than Shawn Michaels BKA The Heartbreak Kid comes out.

This man is the reason I fell in love with wrestling when I was younger.....

*sigh*
I promise if I had the chance....I would marry him
BUT
I can't so I'll just go on loving him from afar.

 

"Age Is Just A Number....

and jail is just a room."

 (via facebook)

lmaoooo!! That is my laugh of the day...so to everybody out there: remember this phrase the next time you start to say that age is just a number...a # that could have you in a cell doing 15 to life. 

Yeah sooo...it's 2011

yeah I know I'm late with this but hey *shrugs* when have I ever done anything when I'm supposed to? lol. Anyways!! for those who follow me (and read the posts lol) we all know 2010 was a crazy year for me: lost 3 cousins -->RIP to them all<--, ended 2 friendships (one which I thought would ever end) and found new ones. Overall I have to say 2010 was an okay year for me....yeah sure there's a few things I could have done differently but hey that's life *shrugs* and honestly I'm happy about everything that happened because all of it taught me a lesson. This year though: I'm focusing more on me and my needs and not everyone else's. This year has already started off to a good start for me and I plan on keeping it this way....*toasts* here's to hoping that I can get everything that I want out of this year and that all of you can as well.

F.Y.I.

there's nothing I hate more in this world than an insecure female.

 "A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity."

--Robert A. Heinlein 

Where DO I Stand?

I've fallen in ♥ with this song by Ashanti.

 

Just Like Glass...

 

"It's crazy how your best friend can downgrade to a a distant associate so quickly."

It took me sometime but I realized that everyone that may have been a GOOD friend to me wasn't exactly a BEST friend to me...I'm sorry but there is no way that as "best" friends I should have had to deal with someone's jealousy issues and insecurities since high school (and we became friends in 8th grade!) I would be lying if I said that there weren't a lot of good, no GREAT, times with our friendship but there were equally as mean HORRIBLE times. That friendship taught me a lot and for that I'll always cherish it and love it but the end of the friendship that everyone thought would last a lifetime just proves true the statement that not everything last forever.

Damn That Kobe!

lol thats what a lot of people are probably saying right about now but oh well *Kanyeshrugs* it doesn`t matter. Why? because the Lakers have done it again lol. Good job to the Celtics though, this was most def one of my fav. final series. now that b-balls over though we can get to what really matters....FOOTBALL!!! Cuz New Orleans is about to be screaming "Who Dat?!"

Hey Sweets!!

Sorry about being MIA but...life's been N-U-T-S I swear it has lol.
BUT
the semester is over for me so its back to blogging and I do have some things to tell you guys about. Good, bad, and funny lol.
I'll be posting tomorrow sooo....

Cleansing Time

I can honestly say that this has truly been a few of the craziest weeks in my life and I am in no rush to repeat the experience, believe me lol. I learned a lot about some of the different people in my life and I can't lie...my perceptions on a few of them changed: some for the better and some for the worse. But at the end of the day: I know it's all a part of helping me grow into the person I need to be.

Let's see, where to start? I guess with the most surprising part. Someone that I considered a "best" friend, even a "sister", showed me her true colors and how she truly felt about me and even though it hurt a lot at first and still hurts now, I'm glad I know all of this now rather than years down the line ya know? I've learned to put the people in my life in categories and keep them there, for my own sake and for the first time ever, I feel no guilt about doing it.

What I'm about to say now...I don't believe it and neither do my two girls that I told about it but here goes: I've finally gotten the strength to let my ex-boyfriend pull completely out of my life. Even though, it only happened because of an argument we had, I realized that no matter what I did and no matter how hard I tried, it was never going to be good enough for him. I've given him nothing but my love and all that was in me since the age of 15 (and I'm 21 now) and he basically threw it back in my face and said that it meant nothing at all. Well, I told him if that was the case, then I'd just get out of his life since I mean nothing to him...I expected for myself to break down but instead? I felt such a feeling of relief that it took me for a surprise. I can finally move on from him and find the person that God meant for me who WILL appreciate and love me the way I'm meant to be loved.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

I'm Back Hons!

 and for a while I thought I may be one of those people.

for awhile there, with everything that I had going on, I thought I had lost my passion for writing but thank goodness that wasn't the case. I just needed a break to get myself and recharge my batteries so to speak lol.

I think some people need to learn what the real meaning of being friends is. Not the elementary school meaning of the word, which some people never grow out of but the ADULT meaning of being someone's friend.

I never thought I'd say this but now I realize why my mother made sure that I could stand on my own two feet and on my own and why she taught me to never really need others...it kills me how I give my all to every person that I call or have ever called a "friend" and in the end, I still feel alone.

Yes, I love to go out and have fun but that's not all of the time. I expect for REAL friends to understand when I'm tired and just wanna relax and NOT be given grief over it. I'm all for a few jokes here and there but there comes a point when it's considered going too far and some people don't understand that.


People that claim to be "best friends" didn't seem to catch on that after awhile the jokes weren't funny anymore but the minute my little sister saw my face she knew something was wrong....I told her what happened and even SHE couldn't get why they were acting like that...what does that say?

It's funny because there have been sooo many times when I haven't wanted to go out or even be bothered with them but I did it anyway. Wanna know why? because I was trying to be a good friend and this is what I get in return?

If that's the case, then I'd rather not have anymore close friends and just keep everyone as acquaintances and associates because obviously having friends hurts.